I think often that some of the most important lessons in life come not from inspirational speakers, therapists and yoga instructors, but from kids. Perhaps it is the way they view the world and those around them, unimpeded by the filters, opinions and preconceived notions we tend to pile up as we grow older.
I think that far too many ‘adults’ gloss over the answers and examples our kids give us and dust them off as ‘childish behavior’. Perhaps more of us could benefit from some ‘childish behavior’ and an unabashed innocence that so many kids possess.
The following video comes to us from CNN posted May 15, 2012. It is an example of the power of being a kid, even in the most challenging of situations. It demonstrates the capacity and ability, through friendship, to find hope in one another. It should serve as an example for all of us.
Mom Was a Little Bent
I love kolaches.
What I have not been a huge fan of is getting my kids off to school during the week. For some time now, that process from waking up to getting out the door has been something just south of boiling oneself in a fiery vat of hot oil.
The plan seems simple enough though:
1. Each kid has a clock. Set it.
2. Alarm goes off and you get up. Get dressed, brush your teeth and hair, make your bed and get downstairs for a lovely hot breakfast.
3. Offer up a hug or two, ask each other how their night’s sleep was and skip off out the door organized and prepared to take on the world and spread joy.
Here is the painful reality:
1. My kids have been waking up with the disposition of a Grizzly Bear that has spent the entire night extracting his feet from a painful and bloodied trap.
2. Speaking of extraction, actually prying them from their covers had required skills this self-proclaimed motivator has sorely lacked.
3. Once up, I feel as if the household is part of the movie “The Matrix” as my kids are moving as some other-earthly slow-motioned speed. Putting on ones socks and shoes should not take 20 minutes, right?
Finally organic material hit the fan.
I had all I could take and I could take no more. But the bigger and more substantial issue was that Mom had had all she could take. Ever so often there is that look that overcomes my wife’s body. Perhaps it is the flaring of her nostrils, the formidable disposition of her eyebrows as they turn inward or flames that rise skyward from her once flowing locks of hair. The scorn was not something unrecognizable as
I had before seen it focused on me from time to time. But this time, she was done with the morning routine and her precious three bears.
The Phone Call
I answered my mobile phone later in the day. It was my wife. Judging from her voice, something earth shaking was going down.
“You’re on speaker phone. I have all three of the children on the couch and I want you to hear what I have to say”, she proceeded. “OMG”, I thought to myself. “This is going to be good
Suffice to say, Peggy had the attention of all three kids. Two days later, the proverbial ‘Family Meeting’ commenced at the dinner table. Among pulled pork tacos slow cooked to perfection thank you, we presented each of our three angels with a typed manifesto of sorts. Each customized and listing in exact detail what their responsibilities were for the morning and into the rest of the week. Each sheet was signed by the respective sibling and made public.
Our point to our three offspring was the following:
1. You are part of a family. This family is a team. Each team player has role and the team functions best when each person takes responsibility for that role.
2. When you don’t take care of your responsibilities, you let your teammates down and each other.
3. If you don’t learn to take responsibility for yourself now, good luck when you leave the house.
In addition to their ‘regular’ responsibilities, we gave them the option to perform something unexpected, over the top, or with great kindness and forethought. For that we would reward greatly. Giving them the opportunity for extending their contribution in any way they deemed important was also key.
To date, the mornings have gone much smoother, our kids are taking care of their stuff and the grizzlies have retreated to the woods. Just the other morning I awoke in bed to the sound of clanging pans and utensils. Upon my delightful surprise, my 11 year old boy was extracting the most beautiful golden brown kolaches from the oven I had ever seen (or smelled). He had woken himself up early, prepared them all by himself and by all accounts, were the best I had ever eaten (including his mother’s).
Man I love kolaches.
Well done Peyton, Well done
I have recently served on a steering committee for my school district created to bring together my community to discuss education, its future and how we go about creating a model for the future that enables our kids be the best they can be. Education has been on my mind a bunch. I wanted to share with you a wonderful Ted.com video presented by Sir Ken Robinson. If you don’t already know about Sir Robinson (that’s fun to say), then you should. In my humble opinion is one of the brightest forward thinking intellectuals in the field of education and just plain common sense. I would love to hear your feedback and thoughts…
Introduction by Mike:
One of the focuses for my company Kidventure has been to become a greater resource for parents and children. I believe that running summer camps for 18 years has given not only myself, but my entire team a unique insight on children and family matters. More and more we are presenting at a variety of conferences and to parent groups. As part of the Kidventure Team, Patrick Biron has become an outspoken proponent for healthy kids and helping foster greater opportunity for connecting with kids. The following is the online version of a presentation Patrick has been delivering at a variety of venues. It is both fascinating and potentially valuable for all parents of children.
More than Ms. Pacman could have ever dreamed, video games are now integrally a part of our children’s lives. For many of us as parents, it is hard to understand why these seemingly shallow distractions have such a strong hold over our youth. The truth is, video games have evolved, and are now designed from the ground up to impact and engage our children’s developmental psychology. As parents, teachers, and other role models, it is our job to discover these fundamental needs and desires that our children are fulfilling with video games, and instead engage them with a healthy and well rounded life style. In Video Game Addiction: Redirecting the Virtual Generation, we will look at the specific tactics used by video game designers, and learn practical ways to use those same ideas in other areas of our children’s lives.
-Patrick Biron, Camps Coordinator for Dallas and Overnight Camps Kidventure
For question or comments regarding this presentation feel free to contact Patrick at patrick@kidventure.com
Every once in a while you come across a story that provides enduring faith in fellow mankind. I read the following article (extracted) from the Washington Post posted online March 28, 2012. In a world often times so consumed with consuming oneself, here is an example of someone who has taken all that has been given to him and turned it in to something for a bunch of kids struggling with cancer and truly making their lives better. Way to go Batman!
Who is the Route 29 Batman? This Guy
By Michael S. Rosenwald
Washington Post 3.28.2012
Police pulled a man over on Route 29 in Silver Spring last weekbecause of a problem with his plates. This would not ordinarily make international news, but the car was a black Lamborghini, the license plate was the Batman symbol, and the driver was Batman, dressed head-to-toe in full superhero regalia.
HOLY MOVING VIOLATION!
It didn’t take long before images of the Dark Knight’s encounter with law enforcement began turning up in Facebook news feeds, on CNN and the London tabloids. The episode even made it into Jimmy Fallon’s monologue on NBC earlier this week.
Jokers emerged instantaneously too. “Let him do his job,” one commenter urged on the Post Web site. “Batman has expensive taste,” noted another. Meanwhile, questions about Batman’s identity mounted: “Did they make him take off his mask?” someone asked.
No, they did not. Even Montgomery County police honor a superhero code of conduct, just like the Howard County officers who once helped him with a flat bat tire. Batman told officers his real name was not Bruce Wayne but Lenny B. Robinson, and that his real tags were in the car. (He was not ticketed then, but has been before for a heavy bat foot.)
The Caped Crusader is a businessman from Baltimore County who visits sick children in hospitals, handing out Batman paraphernalia to up-and-coming superheros who first need to beat cancer and other wretched diseases.
I actually know Batman. His parents are dear friends of my wife’s family, and I see him at holiday dinners where my 4-year-old son believes he is the real-life Bruce Wayne. “Daddy, he’s Batman, too,” my son will whisper to me. Though Batman has long been aware that I’m a journalist, he has never suggested I write about him. He does not crave publicity. Like his comic book namesake, he doesn’t seek credit for what he does.
“I’m just doing it for the kids,” he says.
But in light of him going viral — “Gotham City is on the verge of chaos,” Anderson Cooper informed CNN viewers — I asked him whether I could unveil the man behind the mask. He acquiesced but suggested I do so by accompanying him to the cancer ward at Children’s National Medical Center in Northwest Washington for a superhero party thrown by theHope for Henry organization.
On Monday, he pulled up in his black Lambo with yellow Batman symbols on the doors, the floor mats, the headrests — pretty much everywhere — and he was dressed in his heavy leather and neoprene uniform that he bought from a professional costume maker.
He carried two large bags of Batman books, rubber Batman symbol bracelets and various other toys up to the front desk, where the check-in attendant asked him his name.
“Batman,” he said.
Camera phones were snapping. A man in line said, “That’s the guy whogot pulled over.” Someone asked where Robin was, and Batman replied, “Home studying for the SATs.”
The check-in attendant asked for identification. Batman said it was in his Batmobile. The check-in attendant, just doing her job, asked for his real name. “Lenny,” he announced. “B, as in Batman. Robinson.”
It took Batman approximately 20 minutes to reach the elevators. He stopped to hand out Batman toys to every child he saw, picking them up for pictures, asking them how they were feeling. LaTon Dicks snapped a photo of Batman standing behind her son DeLeon in his wheelchair. She’d recognized the Batmobile on her way in to the hospital. Like everyone else, she’d seen a TV report on him being stopped by the police and protested, “You can’t pull over Batman.”
When Batman finally reached the elevator for the slow ride up to the cancer ward, I could see his face already sweating behind the mask. He told me he loses 5 to 6 pounds in water weight when he wears the superhero uniform. He paid $5,000 for it. He spends $25,000 a year of his own money on Batman toys and memorabilia. He signs every book, hat, T-shirt and backpack he hands out — Batman.
Batman is 48. He is a self-made success and has the bank account to prove it. He recently sold, for a pile of cash, a commercial cleaning business that he started as a teenager. He became interested in Batman through his son Brandon, who was obsessed with the caped crusader when he was little. “I used to call him Batman,” he told me. “His obsession became my obsession.”
Batman began visiting Baltimore area hospitals in 2001, sometimes with his now teenage son Brandon playing Robin. Once other hospitals and charities heard about his car and his cape, Batman was put on superhero speed dial for children’s causes around the region. He visits sick kids at least couple times a month, sometimes more often. He visits schools, too, to talk about bullying. He does not do birthday parties.
His superhero work is limited to doing good deeds, part of a maturation process in his own life. In his earlier years, he acknowledges that he sometimes displayed an unsuperhero-like temper and got into occasional trouble with the law for fights and other confrontations. Putting on the Batman uniform changes and steadies him.
“Eventually, it sinks in and you become him,” Batman told me. “It feels like I have a responsibility that’s beyond a normal person. And that responsibility is to be there for the kids, to be strong for them, and to make them smile as much as I can.” He understands that might sound corny, but he doesn’t care.
Batman stepped off the elevator on the fourth floor of Children’s. Spider-Man and Wonder Woman were there too — both professional actors from talent agencies, on the clock. He picked up a little boy and said, “I have a present for you.” He shook hands with a father and handed him a yellow rubber Batman bracelet, saying, “This will bring you good luck.” The father said, “We need good luck.”
The parents always say that.
Batman asked each child his or her name. He lifted up almost every child. Many were weak, their hair thin from chemo. He always told them, “I have a present for you.” When a little girl ran away, perhaps a bit scared, Batman said, “That’s the story of Batman’s love life.” (He is divorced.)
Batman overheard a mother tell someone that her toddler was going home the next day, and holding the toddler, and hugging him gently, Batman said, “I’m really glad you are feeling better.”
Stephanie Broadhead of California, Md., was leaning against the wall while her 10-year-old daughter Claire was having her face drawn by an artist. Claire has leukemia. Batman stopped by to marvel at the picture and hand Claire some gifts. “This makes a very hard thing to deal with a little easier,” Claire’s mom said.
Superhero visits to hospitals let kids be kids in a scary, adult place, but the activities are indeed therapeutic, too, the chief doctor on the cancer floor told me.
“These visits provide an immediate boost for these kids,”said Jeffrey Dome, the oncology division chief at Children’s. “Some of these children have to stay for weeks or months at a time. That wears down the children and it wears down the family. You have to keep up morale. A visit from a superhero is sort of like a fantasy in the middle of all this hard-core therapy.”
As Batman wandered around from child to child, I asked him, “Isn’t this hard?”
His children are healthy. My children are healthy.
“We are very lucky,” he said. “All I can say is we are very, very lucky.”
The party began winding down. Spider-Man changed out of his costume. Wonder Woman changed out of hers. They said goodbye to Batman, still working the floor, as he posed for a photo with a patient’s father. The father thanked Batman and said, “I saw you on the news — Route 29.”
“I think everyone saw me on Route 29,” Batman acknowledged. He asked the nurses at the front desk whether there were any children who couldn’t come out of their rooms to see him.
Assured that there weren’t, Batman headed back down to his Batmobile, followed by the mother of a baby girl with cancer and her healthy 4-year-old son, whose only goal in life at that moment was to see the Batmobile. When the boy saw the car, I thought his eyeballs were going to separate from his body. (Batman is actually in the process of having a just-like-the-movies Batmobile built for $250,000, but it’s not ready yet.)
Batman revved the engines and blasted the audio system — the Batman theme song. Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, Batman! He revved the engine some more. The little boy didn’t want to say goodbye, but his mom told him, “Batman needs to go fight the bad guys.”
The little boy cried.
“I want to go help him fight the bad guys,” he said.
His mom said, “You need to go help your sister fight cancer.”
Batman sped away.
Sorry 'Swamp People'. I'm going outside to climb a tree
It has been one month since we pulled the plug on cable TV in the McDonell home. I have to say that while there are grumblings from time to time, the absence of TV for the most part has opened up greater opportunities for us and the kids have maintained a healthy weight and mental wellness. I have no idea what the last Sportscenter Top 10 looked like, my kids couldn’t tell what happened to Sponge Bob this week or how Snooki fared on Jersey Shore. To be real honest with you, they really don’t care. Homework seems to go better, there are less distractions around the house and we are spending more time outside looking and interacting with each other.
So the question that begs to be answered is, if not watching television on a regular basis provides for greater opportunity for the family to interact, get more done, spend more time together and not be exposed to stuff we would rather not expose our kids to, then why do we do it?
I believe watching television has become such an ingrained part of the American culture, that to not have it is considered strange. To not stay glued weekly is to miss out on popular culture and to peer in on the lives of others. Is it entertaining? Yes. Is it an opportunity to escape from our daily routine? Of course. But at the expense of what?
I am certainly not going to say that dropping television from the daily diet of your family is what you should do. I certainly find value in some of the medium. Nevertheless, any opportunity I can take advantage of that brings my family closer and provides us greater opportunity and time to grow together is one I must take advantage of. Are there tradeoffs? Definitely. But as jam packed and fast paced as our lives tend to be these days, any decision we can make as parents that turns our attention back to ‘family’ is one I am ready to make.
Sorry ‘Swamp People’, I’m going outside to climb a tree with my daughter.
"You're joking me right Daddy?" -Hadley (age 6)
Yesterday I arrived home from work. As fate would have it, the kids had been out with mom after school or still working on homework. No one had an opportunity to turn on the TV, that no longer held the promise of entertainment. I was ready to drop the bomb. And here is a synopsis of what went down kid by kid:
MacKenna (age 14)
Her initial reaction was confusion, tempered with the idea that I was merely pulling her leg and joking with her. I think she saw in my face that this was the real deal. Internally, MacKenna struggled to keep cool because that is what 14 year old’s attempt to do in every aspect of their life, even though it rarely actually happens. “Oh,” she calmly replied. “Does mom know you did this?” she continued. “Yes MacKenna. It was a decision your mother and I both made together,” I said. At this point she turned inward and began running through the litany of cable shows she would be missing. I have to admit, she took the bombshell in stride. She showed some descent maturity and poise. That is, until she remembered Glee!
Peyton (age 11)
Peyton followed me to my room. He jumped up on the bed. “What’s going on Dad?” sensing something important had just been discussed in the other room with his older sister. “We dropped the cable television,” I responded. “Are you kidding me? What about Sportscenter?” he cried out. “Yeah buddy, I am going to miss it to,” I replied hoping that he would garner some shared sense of loss with me. Not happening. “Why didn’t we get a vote in this decision Dad? Isn’t this a democracy?” he declared. “No, Peyton. It is actually a monarchy”. About this time the meltdown walked in.
Hadley Lou (age 6)
“Dad got rid of our TV shows Lou Lou,” Peyton told his little sister. “You’re joking me, right Daddy,” she replied. It is at that point she went over to the flat screen and turned it on. With her small back turned to me and facing the 40 inch plasma, she waited as only a pale blue screen came into view. It is at that moment that she realized that there really was no more cable. No more Backyardigans, no more Olivia, no more Nick Jr. She turned. I have to say, I felt a little bad. Then she proceeded to wail and cry and throw her body to the floor. I can’t stand the Backyardigans.
All was well. We slept nicely and this morning the kids hugged m…well, one of them.
We Unpluged It..OMG
My wife and I made a decision to cut the ties of cable television. Beginning today the McDonell family is severing its relationship with the behemoth, ATT and 800 or so of its children that are the cable channels we have come to know too well. Why are we divorcing popular culture and potentially sending my three young children into some sort of other-worldly fits of tantrum? Simple. Here is my reasoning:
1. We are competing for our kids attention with screens in almost every facet of their life. This eliminates one big one.
2. Because I think that what I have to say, teach and influence my kids with is more pertinent and lasting than what Snooki, Simon Cowell, Sponge Bob and that lizard man from Tennessee do.
3. Because I think all the furniture in our house should be positioned to face each other and not the flat screen.
4. Because I think if you fill your kid’s head with a bunch of garbage, that is what you’re likely to get.
So today begins the transition. Along the way, I plan on blogging the McDonell experience and giving you a window into how my family moves from TV to being more free. As I write, my two younger ones have just arrived home. In only moments their dear shows will no longer materialize in front of them magically. A sense of doom and confusion will no doubt overwhelm their precious little bodies. I will calmly and with much resolve, inform them that their shows have gone away. And just before they tackle me to the ground as only rabid wolves can do, I will suggest a fun board game!
To be continued…
Hadley Lou's Hair Bow Actually Hid Three More Children in the Photo
For the second year in a row, our family had the honor of hosting two children from the African Children’s Choir. Since 1984 over one thousand children have toured as members of the African Children’s Choir. Their message of hope has touched audiences around the world, and changed the lives of thousands more of Africa`s most vulnerable children.
The African Children`s Choir is just one program run by Music for Life. The tour raises money to support educational and humanitarian programs across East and South Africa. Wonderfully, their tour once again brought them to Austin for a concert. Last Thursday, we picked up our guests at a nearby church that served as a depot of sorts from which to pair host families with members of the choir. And for two days our family grew by two as Daniel (8), Timothy (8), piled into the car and we headed home for dinner.
The short time spent with our guests was a wonderful experience for my entire family. And while their voices and concert inspire audiences, it was their humble and powerful example that provided my family with good lessons and a bit of a reality check. A few of these lessons are worth noting here:
1. Sacrifice is a Relative Term.
Too often we moan and groan about things like taking the trash out, working on the road, late nights at the office, cleaning our room, etc.. For up to 17 months Daniel and Timothy tour the world in buses away from their families so that they can provide for an education and a square meal, not only for themselves, but for many back home. Their mornings are early and their evenings are sometimes late. Yet they laugh and show their appreciation and warmth with the most beautiful of smiles.
2. Take Only What They Need, Appreciate All they Receive
This lesson was driven home most succinctly at the dinner table. Wanting so much to provide a great meal for our guests, my wife and I took extra care in preparing something they would love. One might guess that these kids would go back for seconds, fall for the sweets and all the trappings of the American diet. Rather, they often preferred much smaller portions than were offered, were very modest in their desire for things like ice cream, cookies, etc.. They ate anything with appreciation and showed their thankfulness with hugs after meals. More than once I caught myself staring my own kids down with a look like, “Are you getting this? Cause if your not taking mental notes, you need to be”. Admittedly, I ate less at our meals with our friends from Africa.
3. Acknowledge People and Let Them Know You Care
The children from the choir refer to their hosts as “Auntie” and “Uncle”. This endearing tradition made us feel great. During their stay, not a time passed when they didn’t wake in the morning, arrive during the day, enter from another room, that they did not hug you and say something like, “Thank you Uncle Mike” or “Thank you Auntie Peggy”. Had they forgotten or just missed one, I would have been distraught. My point here is that they took every opportunity to show their care and appreciation. It made us feel warm and it demonstrated how much less we did so for each other in our immediate family. In light of this, I am now on a personal hugging campaign from room to room.
I believe that too often we get locked in our ways, trapped in narrow thinking and perhaps don’t care for others because our focus is placed too squarely on ourselves. Our kids complain, we complain and then we complain that our kids complain. Funny how that works. Let’s face it, we got it good and maybe the problem with our families and perhaps this country to a large extent is that we got it too good for too long. Happiness and contentment is always a faster rabbit when we choose to always chase it. Every once in a while a couple of 8 year old kids from Africa need to come home with you, to show you that there is more to life than second helpings of pasta salad, and that being ‘Uncle Mike’ for a couple of days is alright by be.
To learn more about the African Children’s Choir and Music for Life visit their website.
For the record, I love my kid’s elementary school.
Having begun this blog with that kind of preface, you have to have a feeling I am about to rear back on it. And I am. At the beginning of this school year our fine elementary school made the decision to cut recess to 15 minutes per day. I have two children in this school. One a kindergartner and one a fifth grader.
I am no rocket scientist, but I don’t believe it takes one to draw a correlation between one’s opportunity to improve and focus academically if not allowed the proper time to move one’s sedentary body. But don’t take my word for it. Only this week Reuters ran an article on a recent international study that was conducted on exactly this topic. “The fact is, children who get more exercise also tend to do better in school, whether the exercise comes as recess, physical education classes or getting exercise on the way to school”, the study states.
The findings, published in the Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine, come as U.S. schools in general cut physical activity time in favor of more academic test preparation.
Amika Singh, who worked on the study, said the findings meant that schools should prioritize both academics and exercise and that families could have the same attitude at home.
“Maybe it’s an activity break, stand up every half an hour in class and do something,” said Singh, from VU University Medical Center in Amsterdam.
“It might mean going to school by bike … Any kind of physical activity you can think of. It doesn’t mean only the physical education standard class.”
Singh and her colleagues reviewed 14 studies that compared kids’ physical activity with their grades or scores on math, language and general thinking and memory tests.
Those included two types of reports, such as 10 so-called “observational studies” in which researchers asked parents, teachers or students themselves how active they were, then followed them for a few months to a few years to track their academic performance.
In the four other studies, one group of kids was given extra time for physical education classes and other health and fitness exercises, and their test scores were later compared against a group of kids who didn’t get extra exercise.
When researchers asked students how much time they spent exercising, they found that those with higher rates of physical activity did better in the classroom.
Three of the four studies involving an exercise intervention found that students given more exercise time scored higher on measures of academic performance.
In one report from the United States, second and third graders who got an extra 90 minutes of physical activity per week did better on a test of spelling, reading and math, along with gaining less weight over the next three years.
That may be because children are better behaved and can concentrate better when they get enough exercise, or because physical activity improves blood flow to the brain and boosts mood, the researchers wrote.
“There’s obviously the long-term links between physical activity and health,” said Sandy Slater, who has studied recess and physical education at the University of Illinois at Chicago but wasn’t involved in the latest study.
“But this is another reason to try to continue to keep some dedicated amount of time for physical education or recess or some other types of physical activity in the school day.”
Recent research has suggested that many U.S. children are not getting the recommended amount of physical education and recess endorsed by the American Heart Association, which includes two and a half hours of physical education a week and 20 minutes of recess every day.
It is my opinion that we as parents, educators and policy makers must recognize the importance of physical activity and its association with our children’s academic lives. Without a clear understanding of this relationship and its possible repercussions, we place our children at a disadvantage academically, socially and physically. Let the kids play I say.
